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Friday, December 22, 2006

Maybe you just had to be there? 

I love films that have unintentionally funny moments. The kind of scenes that the director/script writer must have slaved over getting right, only for cinema audiences to greet with a torrent of guffaws and giggles. The recent James Bond movie (Casino Royale) had a couple of classics.

1. Buxom woman riding horse along beach/ She is chased by excited children; "Yayyy, woman on horse" they scream/ She rides quicker and looks back...

Cue lingering close-up on one child grinning like a bit of a psycho.

2. Mr Bond is convalescing in a wicker chair/ Slinky Brunette sits at his side signing his cast/ Mr Bond says he's thinking of jacking in this spy lark...

Cue impassioned speech by Slinky Brunette along the lines of, "but James you mad, mad fool, you're the most ravishing man this side of Mount Etna."

Anywho, here's my top 5 unintentionally funny film moments:

5. City of Angels: Amen the precious fruit.
"No, I don't want to be an angel anymore, it's rubbish" says Nicholas Cage. "Alright then", says Meg Ryan, "ooooh wait, you must taste this" and off she pops to the shop. "I'll get him this marmite, these pickled eggs, and mmmm this lovely smelling fruit." La, la, la, she sings as she rides her bike home. Look out for the truck. Oh no...what happened? Into the shot roles a single, beautifully formed Pear. Sob.

4. Showgirls: All about the dance, baby.
So many moments it has to be intentional, but I just can't help thinking that they tried a little too hard for it to be that tongue-in-cheek. I love the aggressive burger eating (oooh I'm so hungry, I'm like a wild animal) and the scene where a dancer has been crocked and rolls around the floor groaning while a choreographer grabs her throbbing knee and squeezes. "It's her knee," he concludes.

3. Constantine, Point Break, Johnny Mnemonic, Devil's Advocate, Dracula: Keanu Reeves' dramatic career.
Oh Keanu, when will you learn that speaking with emotion doesn't mean you just speak a little bit louder.

2. Dawson's Creek (TV show I know, but it's just too bad): Banging mate.
"Hey guys, let's all go to a rave! It'll be great, we'll drink half a lager, smoke two marlborough lights and definitely not drivel on about our endlessly boring emotional problems in some ridiculously intellectual way. Stop shouting, I can hear you perfectly...Yeah, this music is great...I love's hardcore man, out there. I know, it's like the same track has been playing for 4 hours. That's rave music, yeah. Oh, I think it's by some British band....yeah, totally out there, urmm, the Chemical Brothers?"

1. Face/Off: The Palm Stroker.
God bless John Woo. I imagine him thinking to himself, "this's great. The explosions are huge, the noise is loud and the plot is insane. But something is missing, we need more emotion...we need to give the characters that human angle. Now if only I could get John to perform some sort of gesture....yes, a visual catchphrase that will show how lovely his character Sean Archer is. He is lovely after all...just look at how much he adores his son. Plus, he must also really really love Castor Troy's son. Why else would he randomly adopt him in that weird..."hey honey, I'm home and have brought a new son" ending. Perhaps I could get him to ruffle the kid's, too cheesy. I know, I'LL GET HIM TO STROKE THE CHILD'S FACE WITH HIS ENTIRE HAND in an entirely normal, non-freaky way. Job done."


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