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Monday, March 29, 2004

You got him?....Yeah, I got him....Take him....bang 

It's happened twice now...some film reviewer in the paper keeps having a go at The Untouchables (1987). Why? I think it's a tip-top film. Especially when it comes to memorable quotes....

You've got:

"Never stop, never stop fighting till the fight is done."
"What'd you say? What're you saying?"


"What's the matter. Can't you talk with a gun in your mouth?"

as well as my particular favourite,

"I want him dead! I want his family dead! I want his house burned to the ground!"

ha,ha,ha. What are your favourite moments in The Untouchables?

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Stars in your mince pies 

Did anyone see the final of Stars in Your Eyes? I missed it....who won? Where they any good? I haven't watched it for ages. I think I started switching off around the time that 5 Ronan Keatings-in-their-eyes appeared during one series.

I can still remember the Freddy Mercury-a-like who won one year - then came back to open a new series with a top rendition of I Want to Break Free. Turns out he'd got a job as a tribute act. I wonder what happens to the losing contestants? You never see any of them all dressed up in their costumes busking do you? I remember at Lancaster there used to be one student who was always in town singing Oasis songs. In the evening everyone would pile out the pubs, see him and start shouting..."sunshiiieeeennnneee"...ha,ha,ha

I dread to think who is going to replace Matthew Kelly (please not Kat Deeley...eeeeek) I think they should get Henry Kelly - he could do it as well as Going For Gold - He'd be great.

Monday, March 08, 2004

Talking to the hand?...oh, just shut up 

Just read this on

'JAMELIA has branded chart rival PETER ANDRE's hit "rubbish" after he beat her to Number One.

The rising UK R&B star launched the attack after a re-release of his 1996 hit 'Mysterious Girl' beat 'Thank You' to Number One off the back of his recent reality TV antics.

Furious Jamelia told MTV: "Everyone knows that it's rubbish, everyone knew it was rubbish ten years ago, and it's still rubbish today. The real music heads will know that I am the rightful owner of the Number One spot.

"He deserves it because you know he'll never get another Number One, so let him have his cake. I think he's the new Justin Timberlake, I seriously do - in Croatia."'

I'm not sure why but this story got me really quite annoyed. Now i'm not Peter Andre's biggest fan or anything, but c'mon Jamelia where is your sense of humour? Mysterious Girl is a classic piece of's all summery and I applaud the fact that they haven't tried to update the video...Oh, Boo-hoo-hoo it's rubbish is it? should be number one should you? Oh, grow up. I'm quite intrigued to find out who Jameila thinks the 'real music heads' are....what's that, you mean the idiots who signed you thinking you were bound to reach number one what will all the shite that infests today's charts....ah, has all gone a bit wrong hasn't how about them apple-cakes?..errr..well, yes.

And what's this about slagging off Croatians' music taste....according to Mel & Luke's Eurovision Song Contest 2003 review Croatia did really quite well:
Croatia - I'm No Longer Yours
An upbeat europop tune with some risque ladies whose tops came off (thereby revealing their spangly bras). The highlight of the performance was the Asda-esque dance routine in which they all spanked their back pockets...

...I rest my case!

"I thought I picked your idiot string'.... 

I'm sure that everybody used to love the 'Indecipherable Lyrics' round in Never Mind the Buzzcocks. My particular favourites were when Suggs suggested that Shabba Ranks had rapped "I packed my tiddley microphone" and Tony Terrorvision's adamant belief that Busta Rhymes said "I had a freak shit"..ha,ha,ha

In fact, only recently I was under the impression that in the Feeder song Buck Rogers the blokey sang, "get cider from a lemon", which let's face it would be some sort of weird lemonade-scrumpy....I then realised, he must be saying "get cider from Eleven" - which would make a whole heap of sense what with early pub opening times and the band probably having little to do in Devon after visiting all the charity shops but drink themselves into a stupor. But, sod me, I was then informed that he WAS actually singing "get cider from a Lemon" meaning I'd pretty much misunderstood the lemonade-scrumpy swiggers twice.

Apparently there are some websites dedicated to misheard lyrics but I can't be bothered to go looking, so if you have any to submit - do it here!

Friday, March 05, 2004

So far so good. 

As you can now see my blog is now fully up and running - major thanks should go to Mel who sorted everything out and gave me some tips about how to understand all the crazy computer language...yay for Mel!

Over the next few weeks visitors to my blog will be treated to some despondent rants and ramblings - Of particular interest I'm sure, will be the annual Eurovision song Contest review. If any of you watched 'Making your Mind Up', you'll know that Britain has no chance of winning. They just didn't follow the Eurovision Song rules:

i) Never, never, never try to be too clever with your song - Forget all this new-fandangled "Urban" rubbish, just bash out some upbeat Europop (remember to include at least 2 key changes towards the end)
ii) That said, never skimp on the songwriting. Ensure that the lyrics are slightly silly but not too ridiculous - "She's the one from the Magical World" is good, "I'm not afraid of a blade" is plain stupid.
iii) Your Eurovision group should consist of several strange looking people, but must invariably include a set of under-dressed girls and a lone Michael Bolton lookielikey backing singer. The removal of some clothes is recommended, but not too many.
iv) Whether they be giant record decks or long ribbons props are always helpful in preoccupying the audience's attention - use accordingly.
iv) To get the crowd going utilise the entire stage - espeicially the little walkways - If you're singing a duet make it heartfelt by meeting in the middle at the end.
v) When in doubt dress up like robots and sing 'Sagapooooo, say the password'....ha,ha,ha,ha

If you have know of any other surefire Eurovision rules - let me know!

Thursday, March 04, 2004


this is a test...hope it works


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